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2月16日

搬家~

     很多朋友都对我抱怨我的blog打开麻烦,留言更麻烦,microsoft的东西就是专制。为了不给他们不看我的blog,不留言提供这么好的借口,
LD从今天起搬到:http://orangeld.yculblog.com/。可是歪酷是不能连接到我会弄的一个电台,又没有自动提供相册,也没有SPACE那么多花俏的东西(虽然我没有用过),所以偶认为歪酷也不是一个完美的住所。只是暂时先混在那里,将来还是居所未定的。
     要走的时候看看自己在SPACE弄的地盘,还是蛮不舍的。我看的书和DRAMA的感想带不走,我对朋友的介绍也带不走。希望小歪可以快点强大起来,只有勤快是不够的。(他搬家速度蛮快的)
     最后祝大家新年快乐!尽管找我出去玩~不要忘记改我的连接地址哦:)

我们是否还能要到完美的爱情

     关于性与爱的关系,通过多年的阅读积累(包括影视阅读),尤其是大名鼎鼎的性爱教科书《欲望都市》的教导,我想我已经懂得了很多。可是看《台北晚九朝五》,我还是生出一些感触。其实sex&love应该也是永恒的主题。
     我想人类是欲望的动物。人类的欲望早就让人突破了所谓男女是因爱而性,甚至性和爱是可以在同性之间产生的。我有时在想将来如果人兽恋也变得像同性恋一样普遍,这个世界的复杂程度谁还可以handle。
      以前看《彼岸花》,看言情小说,看 《nana》,看《欲望都市》,听台湾艺人描述初夜经历,都觉得人们用性来彼此安慰的做法是一件离自己生活圈子很远的事情。结果才知道这种事情真的越来越平常。我没有指责婚前性行为的意思,因为对这样东西的认可程度大部分都是由社会环境决定的。选择的自由为什么要受到社会准则的约束?
      但是,选择的结果是要自己去负的。欢爱过后的女人,声称自己不要爱情只要性的女人,往往还是带着寂寞凄凉空虚的神情像少女般怀揣着希望去找寻真爱。我想这其实是人类的悲哀。所谓的解放,其实是变相的妥协。与自己心爱的人灵肉合一是最完美的境界,但是这又是多么难达到的境界。人们就把人们的渴望进行肢解,发明了各种人类学说和各种“艺术”创作,像“柏拉图似的爱恋”《一个陌生女子的来信》,三级片,one night stand,然后获得自己对自己欲望进行阉割之后的所谓充分满足。
      说回片子本身。最没有性道德限制的cindy,一直最希望还是和自己所爱的小马在一起;小马可以照顾关爱一直出卖自己身体换取名利的hitomi,但是对自己真正喜欢的cindy苛严不已,一直都不愿承认甚至否定自己的爱情。小马喜欢的女生应该的拥有他所追寻的某种洁净,当他的愿望被cindy毁灭时,他竟然哭泣,那么愤怒。最后小马愿意接纳自己的爱情时,他却被编剧无比刻意安排的车祸了结了生命。在追寻自己心爱的人背影死去的方式为什么又要再次上演,几乎所有观看者都要对这一安排一叹再叹。我推测这是包含了编剧某种唯美主义思想的冷静处理。真的残酷。其实我也是讨厌小马最终放弃自己真诚的坚持,选择有点难看的爱情,不过爱情再难看她都是爱情,世界上最美丽和温暖的东西之一。我觉得cindy因为性而为自己的爱情付出了代价。可是如果cindy不是这样的女人,她也不会在夜店中认识小马,一切都是矛盾的,很残酷的矛盾。
      其实都是现实在逼我们放低标准。谁的心里面都有纯净的天空。当eva把整整一把小号送给ben时,我差点哭了出来。她像一个天使。当她和ben同居后穿了一件俗气的衣服做饭时(虽然还是白色),我简直不想盯着屏幕了。编剧还是很美好的放走了eva。我不奢望eva以后可以真的看到ben的小号表演,但是我希望小号可以尽可能多地给ben的欲望生活带来纯洁的救赎。
      还有cola,他看到vivi和iden结婚的消息,报以欣慰和祝福的笑容。其实还是悲哀的。vivi是爱cola的,丢失了尊严很平庸地活下去的cola,我不敢猜想他是用什么抚慰自己。
      唉,千疮百孔的爱情啊。
      好看的爱情都在文学家的笔下,那种经常因为现实不完美而走向自毁的族群的笔下。如果你真的想要,那请你抱着单纯的向往坚持下去吧,其实是做的到的

2月8日

silent all these years

     《silent all these years》is originated by Tori Amos, an American female singer with red hair. She is short and thin girl with a strong power in her body and determined will.She was raped by one fan of her on a lift.It's said that she released an album with the cover that she was fucking a pig.
      I prefered Sun yanzi's version of this song.For me, her voice is cleaner,more determined and can reach a higher pitch without so many skills.
      Some people believe that this song refers to pregnancy and abortion from the " you best pray that i bleed real soon "part.I cann't find out.I my opinion,this song describes that a guy had silenced his girlfreind for all these years and this girl now cried out her rage and sadness.In the song, we see the word "mermaid".It is the very mermaid written by Andeson who lost her voice for her love.OK, let me put up the lyrics of the song and my intepretation.
 
      "silent all these years"                                                                              
Excuse me but can I be you for a while                       抱歉,但是我能否一时扮演你的角色
My dog won't bite if you sit real still                           只要你安静地坐着我的狗不会咬你的 
I got the anti-Christ in the kitchen yellin' at me again    在厨房里的反基督徒者再次对我乱嚷嚷
Yeah I can hear that                                               是的,我听得见
Been saved again by the garbage truck                       (你)再次被垃圾车所救 
I got something to say you know                                我有些话对你说
But nothing comes                                                   但还是没有开口
Yes I know what you think of me                                是的,我知道你是怎么看我的
You never shut-up                                                   你从来不会闭嘴
Yeah I can hear that                                                是的,我听得见

But what if I'm a mermaid                                          但是,如果我是一条美人鱼
In these jeans of his                                                 脚穿他的牛仔裤 
With her name still on it                                            上面有她的名字
Hey but I don't care                                                 但是我并不介意
Cause sometimes                                                     因为有时 
I said sometimes                                                      我是讲有时
I hear my voice                                                       我听见我的声音
And it's been here                                                    它在那里
Silent All These Years                                               一直沉默,这么多年了

So you found a girl                                                   这么说你找到了一个女孩
Who thinks really deep thougts                                   有着思想深度的女孩
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts               思想有深度有什么好大惊小怪的   
Boy you best pray that I bleed real soon                      小子,你最好祈祷我的血快速流光 
How's that thought for you                                        对你来说这个想法如何
My scream got lost in a paper cup                               我的尖叫丧失在纸杯中
You think there's a heaven                                         你认为那里有一个天堂 
Where some screams have gone                                  尖叫都到那里去了
I got 25 bucks and a cracker                                      我有25美元和一只爆竹
Do you think it's enough                                             你认为这足以  
To get us there                                                        让我们上天堂吗?

But what if I'm a mermaid                                          但是,如果我是一条美人鱼
In these jeans of his                                                 脚穿他的牛仔裤 
With her name still on it                                            上面有她的名字
Hey but I don't care                                                 但是我并不介意
Cause sometimes                                                     因为有时 
I said sometimes                                                      我是讲有时
I hear my voice                                                       我听见我的声音
And it's been here                                                    它在那里
Silent All These...                                                     一直沉默在

Years go by                                                            多年后
Will I still be waiting                                                  我会仍然等待
For somebody else to understand                                一个人来理解我吗?
Years go by                                                            多年后       
If I'm stripped of my beauty                                       如果我的美丽分崩离析
And the orange clouds                                              橙色的云   
Raining in head                                                        在我头顶,雨在下
Years go by                                                            多年后 
Will I choke on my tears                                            我仍然会抑制住我眼泪 
Till finally there is nothing left                                    直到最后连残骸都没有留下吗?
One more casualty                                                   又一次随意
You know we're too easy Easy Easy                            你知道我们太太容易了

Well I love the way we communicate                          我爱我们交流的方式          
Your eyes focus on my funny lip shape                       你的眼凝视着我有趣的唇型
Let's hear what you think of me now                          让我们听下你是怎样看我的 
But baby don't look up                                             但是宝贝不要抬头
The sky is falling                                                     天空在坍塌
Your mother shows up in a nasty dress                       你妈妈穿着让人恶心的裙子出现了  
It's your turn now to stand where I stand                    现在轮到你站到我站着的位置了
Everybody lookin' at you here                                    这里所有人看着你
Take hold of my hand                                               牵着我的手
Yeah I can hear them                                              是的,我听得到他们

But what if I'm a mermaid                                          但是,如果我是一条美人鱼
In these jeans of his                                                 脚穿他的牛仔裤 
With her name still on it                                             上面有她的名字
Hey but I don't care                                                  但是我并不介意
Cause sometimes                                                      因为有时 
I said sometimes                                                       我是讲有时
I hear my voice[*3]                                                   我听见我的声音

And it's been here                                                     它已经在这里
Silent All These Years                                                 沉默多年   
I've been here                                                           我已经在这里
Silent All These Years                                                 沉默多年了


青春很短,爱情很长

     不经意间,身边的人似乎都恋爱了。有的是单恋了两三年,终于修成正果,却对我抱怨男朋友的不合理想,但也是甜蜜的;有的是觉得那个男孩容易下手,条件也还好,就咬咬牙接受了;有的是沉浸在爱情似乎唾手可得,一触即发浓浓的暧昧中。无论是谁,我都赞成她们比我幸福,那种微微上扬的嘴角,我是没有的。
     朋友说,要和一个人在一起,没有我想象中的那么勉强,那么神圣。可是我想我是做不到的。我讨厌不是和我喜欢的人身体接触,非常讨厌。
     是自己要求太高吧。现实中总是听到什么女硕士生嫁给工人的故事,甚至美娇娘嫁给武大郎。我想我嫁不出去的话,那我就真的来个“行者无疆”,漂泊不定好了。省得周围有的没有的压力。
     但是现代人中的这么空虚这么寂寞这么滥情吗?我好像只有冬天到来的时候才会特别需要爱情取暖。好了,实在不行的话,我以后去非洲就好了。    
     爱情很短,青春很长。